Tangled Thoughts

I never knew what I meant to exist for. I’ve always wanted to save the world. To win. To give myself to the world and end up rich and famous. I’ve always fought the idea that people don’t have to support you, or even understand you. I lived to please a lot of people. I fed on people’s approval and got absorbed by their nods. I have always been a servant. Feared oblivion the most. I don’t even think I’ve changed so this is very crazy. I was meant to serve the world. I hope I said that right.

I don’t even know how I got here. When I noticed earlier this year that I won’t be tackling the course that everyone expected me to, I thought the world stopped spinning. It took me a while to understand that I’m not flying, and that nothing has changed. I thought it was over, that I was over. I thought I lost everything. I thought I was doomed and that my tomorrow was obliterated. I chose something different. I chose my world. I chose me. Nobody agreed and that’s what made me feel so content.

An LLB is something that is outspokenly underrated. One of the best choices to tame a person, ease their mind, cool their lives and confuse them even more. It is the drug that kills you so bad you never recover. Many a person will tell me I can’t say that because it is only my first year and that I should be more optimistic. I just do not know how to. I feel like it should not be an undergraduate degree because it strays from the legal system. In high school and primary, the system systemizes the mind. All the subjects done are made to change a person’s mind-set and make them educated and smart in accordance to the labour system of this world. Nothing legal except teaching them their rights.

It is not that LLB was not my first choice that makes me so head-in-the-cloud minded, not even. It is the way it strays from even all the relatable life issues that would make it so easy if you ask me. It is too realistic. Nothing systemized about it, if you think the way I do. Each and every content related subject opens up something you did not want to know about, the reality of this world you live in. I look at my seniors about to graduate with compassion evading my eyes because they have no idea what the world has for them. LLB has got the whole world opened up like a cabbage and not really much can be envied.

This course sucks the passion of life out of every juice in the veins because it gives you a big fiery slap of reality and how dead this world is. It made me realise that oblivion is inevitable. That this world does not have to perfect in order to be lived in. That people create happiness for themselves, whether true happiness or not, they would rather smile than know the truth. Nobody cares about existence if they know reality, so yes it would take me a lifetime to be in hell and realise I’m not in law school anymore. We are not afraid of death. Our minds have lived through the most in these lectures that tell us about this world. The big bold bombastic words used are really just a stage. People who don’t overthink are mostly the ones who leave this course to do brighter things because LLB is too boring or difficult for them. I am someone else and honestly I really do not know this person.

I guess nothing has changed, being a lawyer still makes me serve people. But this time it’s for people who are being exploited. Its saying my own version of events for people who really need to get out of situations they find themselves in.


One thought on “Tangled Thoughts

  1. I think it’s a case of finding the love of your life. I knew I found mine, when I studied Finance. I could immediately apply what was discussed in class, to my everyday world. The joy I derived, when two pieces of a puzzle, finally came together, because what I learnt in class & what I see outside, finally come together & improve my understanding of a situation, concept or environment.


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